When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

Directed by Rob Reiner.

My Favorite Love Story

This is my favorite love story. And it's a wonderful movie.

When Harry Met Sally... is notorious for three reasons. 1) It contains the infamous water-cooler-topic brought up by Billy Crystal's character, Harry: "A man and a woman can't be friends because the sex always gets in the way." 2) It has the famous deli scene. 3) In direct relation to reason number 1: one of its taglines upon release was, "Can a man and a woman sleep together and still be friends in the morning?", which it then proceeds to try and answer. Concentrating only on these points, to me, is exactly the wrong thing to do when one wants to gain an appreciation of this movie.

This movie is perhaps one of the most successful and true romance movies out there, and it's mainly because its focus isn't on the episodic mischievous escapades that seem to characterize many other romance movies. In those movies, the pursuer, usually a man, of the object of affection, usually a girl, actually spends little quality time getting to know said object of affection. Much time may be spent on the comedic circumstances preventing our lovers from getting together. Also, we are usually following the course taken by the pursuer, while getting to know little about the depth of the feelings of the pursued. Regardless of whether the man wins the woman or not, by the end he's been through a lot of amusing events but hasn't really had a meaningful relationship with her, yet has come to a full conclusion for himself. The basis presented for living happily ever after can seem quite shallow in these stories. This does not happen in When Harry Met Sally....

Not only does this movie succeed in showing the development of a relationship from both sides of the coin, i.e. the man and the woman's points of view, it succeeds because it shows the development of the relationship in the first place. Most of the events that occur in WHMS are normal, everyday events (ok, except for the hilarious deli scene). Through these events, Harry and Sally (Meg Ryan) forge a friendship that is meant to go no further, for both people enjoy the friendship so much they inwardly know and accept that anything more than that could cause problems. Some of the most wonderful scenes in the movie come from the early middle of the movie, as the two characters get to know one another, walking through the autumn leaves, conversing about their dating experiences, experiencing Christmas and New Year's as friends. Harry tells his best guy-friend that he can "talk to her," which is unlike any relationship he has had with another woman. That's relatable, and their relationship is very real and on the mark. I rarely witness the depth of this in other movies about love or romance.

Of course, the gimmick of the movie is that, late in the picture, they do sleep with each other, and the aftermath features, as it should, a lot of awkwardness, confusion, and anger. And then comes the realization for Harry: that he does truly love her. And, because of the friendship that they had and the way they got to know each other, it is a very deep and real love. It is expressed no better than by Harry himself, in what I consider one of the best movie speeches to date (and one I'll conveniently quote, thanks to imdb), where he confesses to her his revelation:

"I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

To which Sally comedically replies, while crumbling under her emotions: "You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you! And I hate you, Harry. I really hate you..." Of course, Harry can see that she has come around as well, but the point is made: that their relationship, i.e. love, was built on solid friendship, trust, and through really knowing each other, and could even survive the disaster of sleeping with each other.

All too often, the movies cheapen love stories by introducing contrivances, corny situations, and surface-value love. When Harry Met Sally... not only presents a love story in a realistic and relatable fashion, it manages to be a hilarious movie, with some of the best lines, dialogues, and exchanges to be found in any movie. Credit must also be given to Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan; they've never been better, and their chemistry is magical. Nora Ephron (writer) and Rob Reiner (director) used their talents and experiences to really concoct something insightful and honest. Later romantic comedies (including ones written by Ephron, most notably Sleepless in Seattle, which isn't very deep, and You've Got Mail, which is hard to swallow) would pale in their attempts to create something remotely as wonderful and believable as this movie, and I haven't seen anything yet that could top it. And maybe, for me, nothing ever will. Unlike some of the other romances I'd seen, I can know for sure that Harry and Sally will live happily ever after because I had the pleasure of watching them get to know each other so well.

Rating: 10/10

©Jeffrey Chen, January 2001

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